Published: 05/08/2013 - Updated: 09/24/2018
Author: Miriam Reyes7 Comments
Perhaps the number 3 is a good number of people to have in a relationship for a movie dialogue, however, when it comes to real life, it is not recommended.
While not a definitive rule, most love triangles are formed by 2 women and a man. Usually when the woman has a partner, she usually tends to end the relationship before embarking on any kind of love triangle. Therefore, in most cases, the man wears this double life.
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The mentality is changing
Although men are the ones who usually enter into a love triangle more often, younger men today have begun thinking about themselves and make the decision to end a relationship before starting a love triangle. However, men over 40, whose generations want to preserve the family and economic structures, prefer to have a love triangle while still being in a relationship or even married to someone else.
The love triangle
In this case we will focus on the most common situation: A love triangle is generally comprised of a married man, his wife, and another lover. The man feels that, for him, each of them is something irreplaceable.
- The wife: The ability to support a family, both socially and from a parenting perspective.
- The lover: The ability to escape the routine, boredom and a feeling of being "forced" to be with someone.
The main feature of this type of man is romancing infidelity and deception to sustain both women.
The woman must be a wife that denies their relationship has problems, distancing herself from them and therefore perhaps does not or will not suspect there to be a deception in the marriage.
From the lover's perspective, she represents the "breath" that gives a respite from routine in family life, representing adventure, passion and perhaps even little dirty secrets.
Consequences of love triangle
To reach this point in your life, you have to be pretty insecure, with low self esteem or compulsive convictions, determined to get what you want at any cost. There may be two possibilities: Whether you wanted to be part of a love triangle, or you just ended up in one by cheating, none of them are desirable situations.
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The cost is certainly very high. It is not easy living in secret, waiting for promises that will never be met, and if they come to fruition, there is always the fear that we may reverse what we have done, because a man who tends to form love triangles can (an will) do it again when he returns to being involved in family life. In short, being in a love triangle is a form of sabotage.
Getting out of a love triangle
It is not easy, because it involves feelings of affection that we have surely developed for the other person, in addition to preserving the hope that one day we will be their official partner. However, this is a situation that may just be a complete waste of time. You should make a list of your goals, and identify what you want in your own life.
Maybe your lover is taking up too much time in your mind, even longer than the time he spends with you, or maybe he gives you some financial security, but, be aware that you deserve more than that and the situation is not fair to you or his wife/official partner.
Start to think more about your happiness, in your work, in your aspirations, start projects on your own and use the time you spend thinking about him to begin your own hobbies and interest. Try not to get him involved in any of these projects.
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Go out with friends, family, take the opportunity to see what they're missing by maintaining a hidden relationship. At first it can be exciting, but being the third party does not affect anyone as much as you.
It is important to be aware that we deserve a partner who doesn’t hide us, so take the opportunity to get out and meet more people, relying less on him. This distance is a good way to slowly but surely let go of this toxic kind of relationship.
If it is still proving difficult to let go, you should see a therapist to help you overcome this situation.
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Well, I?ve never been in this situation but my friend Darla was with a married man for many years and she was pretty sure he was in love with her and he would dump his wife and family but nothing ended up well, he broke up with Darla and a couple months later his wife left him because they used to fight a lot, nobody was happy at the end
THIS IS SO BAD, THE WORST SITUATION, I COULND’T IMAGINE BEING IN IT, SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME…
Wow, you know…there are some serious “personal issues” going on with both the cheating party and the “mistress” party of “love triangles”. To feel like you have to be unfaithful or deceitful in order to “escape” from you life, really screams to me that you’re not doing something right. And I just feel so terrible for the people who get cheated on. That’s not fair to any of the parties involved.
This article is very bias as if written by someone who was hurt from this type of situation. Just like any two person relationship, there are many types of triangles. Some are happy and healthy while others are abusive and controlling. The only real difference between a two and three person relationship is the number of people involved.
No two relationships of any paradigm are alike and it is wrong to judge them as if they are.
After being a part of a triangle that was very successful and happy for many years, it has become rather difficult to understand why more single women do not seek out strong stable couples for love, comfort, and support while they grow into their own person. This is typically why it is younger women that find this type of relationship more satisfying.
The third in our relationship has changed a few times with several just not working out, same as a “standard” relationship, but the few that have stayed 5+ years grew into stronger women as they were encouraged to accept who they are, love themselves, get a higher education, and expand their view on the world outside of the confines set forth by a close-minded controlling society.
We have not had any woman come into our lives that did not need some type of emotional support and an overhaul of how they view themselves though. Usually their parents degraded and belittled them to the point of emotional abuse, so it became a team effort to create stability and happiness in order to help them come out of their shell and begin thinking like an individual looking for what they want in the world and not just what they were told that they were going to do.
And it wasn’t cheating or insecurity that lead us to this type of life. It was the desire to have more and be more than just the friends sitting beside a single friend that was in turmoil and felt alone in the world. It was compassion that drove us to take them in, clean them up, nurture and encourage them, and send them right back out into the world as strong women ready to fight for what they want in this life.
Compassion drove you. I would say it’s more lust. You and your husband are just freaky and nasty. You sound brainwashed. Like you would do anything to hold onto him?
Have you gotten tested for diseases yet?
I agree with Anonymous: This article is really bias and sounds as if the person who wrote it is a little bitter about the topic! Perhaps he or she got hurt in a love triangle situation and is therefore unable to give an objective point of view on it. Many people I know have reported very loving, fulfilled relationships as part of a polyamorous love triangle, but I think it depends on each individual and how they feel about it. I think we can all agree that nobody likes or wants to be cheated on, so honesty and transparency are always key when discussing these types of things.
Well, I ended a love triangle a few days ago by contacting the 1st one. The Big man told me that he was not with her anymore, that he left her. But meanwhile I realized that he was lying to me. Instead of a business trip, he was going on a holiday with her. Thanks to FB, I could get the picture. He was then telling me endless stories of how he loved me, cancelled this and that trip just to be with me, ect. Anyway, after a year of not trusting him for a penny I contacter his ex (my FB friend!). It turned out that she was his GF!!! We both crucified him. He was telling her that I was crazy on him (while he was the one almost harassing me when I was not responding!) and he was trying to convince me that I had a fatal attraction on him. It never happened my way. His ex told me that they had ups and downs, but for the time being, they were together for most of the time. We managed to fit all the lies and send him what she was sending me by messenger and vice versa. He was lying to both of us, not knowing that we were sending each other our msn conversations. Up to now, I ruined his life by contacting his girlfriend. My bad is not comparable vs his bad, but he denies any bad, it is nothing. We both crucified him, to the point that he wants to move town. Not because he was bad, because there’s a limit to what he can tolerate. And because I ruined his life…A manipulator will always be!