Published: 05/26/2013 - Updated: 07/12/2016
If you are somebody that wants to please everyone, who gives more and more of your time and efforts to others and always leaves yourself until last, continuing to do all kinds of activities (chores, work, taking care of children, etc.) without considering time off for just for yourself, it is time to take a few minutes to let you know that when you forget yourself, this manifests and causes everything that is going on in your body and mind.
While we have been taught that giving to others is an act worthy of love and service, we often forget what it really means to give. If you are not well aware of this word then you could be finishing the day exhausted, mad or angry, unwilling or without energy but to sleep and not wanting to know about or do anything else.
To begin to find true honesty, we need to start by first giving to ourselves. The first person to make you happy in this world must be yourself. If you insist on making others happy or just address your daily pending chores during the day and forget about yourself, then you will need many fleeting joys, like tobacco, alcohol, talking or eating a lot and using sex as a release, among others because this helps you to lighten the lack of love, attention or performance which your life is craving.
How do you know if you're forgetting yourself?
- When you expect a lot from others (either respect, admiration, attention, etc..). If you do not receive it, you are disappointed easily.
- When you get angry or despair often (because you expect a lot of others).
- After partying, being with a partner or out having fun, you feel as if "something's missing".
- You get sick often.
- You feel unsafe or very shy (because you live according to what people think of you).
- You take what others think of you very personally (because you live depending on what others think about you).
- You do not feel very enthusiastic to get up in the morning.
- You complain constantly about others (do not accept them because either you don’t accept yourself, because you do not take time to get to know them and learn to love them).
- You feel that other people have a better life than yours.
- You often feel that you are missing something very good life.
- You do not feel lucky or fortunate.
- You have a dependency, like smoking, eating, wanting to help others (without first helping yourself, etc.).
- You have uncontrollable anxiety.
Why do we forget ourselves?
We usually forget to give time to ourselves because we have been taught in a way that puts other people's needs first. Our society puts great importance on acceptance and "fitting in" and so we have to meet many requirements in order to be truly happy.
Today it is fashionable to change. We must adapt or change our true selves to be like others or to be accepted/loved and we must do many things to achieve this: To say yes, when we mean no (or vice versa), to take jobs we do not like, say things we do not truly believe in, etc. All of these things lead us away from our true selves and we forget what we really love and want, as well as our stunting our development as individuals.
Give to yourself
When you give to yourself first, before anyone else, it generates an energy flow in you which makes you feel successful and happy: This will radiate and give you a special charisma. Starting by giving yourself is something that actually generates very special progress. It may be difficult at first, as you may be waitng for others to help you, but you must make the change yourself. Also, if you begin to give to yourself first, you will have much more energy, strength, creativity and a sense of humour to cope with everything you have to do and experience during your daily life. You may also find that you get sick less, feel more generous towards others and will perhaps be more honest and accepting.
What does giving to yourself actually mean?
Giving to yourself means that you start to give to yourself all of the things that you want, need or expect from others: time, patience, understanding. If you have all this, you won’t need it from others, and will not be waiting silently saying: "Why do they not listen to me?" "Why not me?" "Why do not you give me ...?" and then you get mad when you see that the other does not follow through with what you want.
How to start giving to yourself
The first is to start in the mornings. Before you start rushing around because you are late, take a moment to say thanks for the day and say good morning! It is important to have loving thoughts in your head, speak in a dignified way and program yourself with a positive mentality for things to flow beautifully every day.
- Do an exercise that you like and enjoy, such as dancing or walking, and give yourself time to enjoy it before leaving home.
- Do not eat like you are a bag of sand, i.e., do not eat just to fill yourself up or because it's good for you. Eat with pleasure, with time, and enjoy your food, ensuring that it will make your body feel good.
- If you get angry during the day, take a minute to let off steam and reflect why you are dissatisfied with yourself or others.
- Check yourself often during the day: Take note of the way you treat and talk to other, avoid criticising, saying negative things or speaking unkindly.
- Before going to sleep, take a few minutes to think of things that happened that day which made you feel good or bad, and try to listen carefully so you can improve tomorrow.