Published: 07/12/2013 - Updated: 12/08/2016
It is very common for many people, when in a relationship, to have a tendency to tolerate things more than you should, especially when you love someone. This behavior can lead us to think that for this reason we deserve to be more loved and actually receive quite the opposite, so is very important that we analyse the situation in order to foster a healthy relationship in which both parties leave space for the other person and, above all, there is mutual respect.
Tolerating everything for love: Yes or no?
Being in a relationship involves respect and tolerance, accepting that there are two separate individuals involved and enjoying the differences in personality. However, love is not to be confused with tolerating everything that cannot be expressed in these terms, as it is about reaching a midpoint in both commitment but also happiness.
When this situation occurs, we promote an unharmonious environment in our relationship that is reflected in our home, with family, friends and of course ourselves. When we decide to tolerate all behaviours because we believe that it is the only way to love someone, this can lead to serious situations such as verbally or physically abusive relationships.
If this goes on for a long time, it can eventually end up hurting you and deteriorating your personality. A person who begins to give everything or live according to the desires of others will do so to the detriment of his or herself.
There are several thoughts or attitudes that allow us to identify if we are suffering this kind of behaviour or if your partner tends to perform these behaviors, some of which are:
- Postponing personal projects in order to do what the other person wants.
- Changing particular interests to have more in common with the other person, even if you don't like doing them.
- Tolerance to mistreatment or abuse from your partner.
- Coping with the wishes of others; schedules, friends and other things revolving around your partner.
The consequences of tolerating everything
It is inevitable that after a long time, this attitude can end up being harmful. It may even be expressed in physical complaints or diseases, but the side-effects present themselves more often than not as emotional scars, as fostering these kind of circumstances may cause a severe lack of self-esteem and this can manifest in different aspects of our life as depression, moodiness or more serious problems that prevent us from healthy relationships.
How much should we tolerate things we don't like?
Not tolerating everything does not mean that we should always act on our impulses and do or say everything we think; there should be a healthy balance. Do not forget that a relationship is a mixture of commitment and comprehension, but can and should never be detrimental to either person involved.
Love should encourage us to be better, should motivate and create feelings of tranquility and excitement, but on the contrary if we are facing situations that threaten our integrity, situations of co-dependency, fear, or submission can occur and so it is necessary to set a limit and not be silent.
Recommendations to handle differences between couples
We do not mean to say that a relationship with differences is doomed from the start, as every human being has particular needs and a way of seeing the world. So, within a couple of course there are many differences of opinion and priorities. However, if we can try to see these differences as an opportunity to enrich the relationship, then this will enable a healthy and balanced coupling. Some tips to achieve this include:
Communication is the beginning of everything: Maintaining a dialogue about what we like or do not like is the best way to reach an agreement, as it is also the way in which we can express things we need to improve, we believe or dislike. If you do not speak up, do not expect the other person to achieve understanding of your situation.
Tolerating is not the same as standing a behaviour: Tolerance is usually synonymous with understanding of each other's needs that enables healthy living, which is shared without rushed or limited feelings.
Negotiating with your partner can make a real difference: making small arrangements in order to achieve honesty and openness. In order to achieve this, we must be clear that we want to do so without incurring further lies and if we yield to that which is essential, is the healthiest way to achieve coexistence.
Loving relationships should be equal, where what is shared and held in common do not overshadow the individuality and the uniqueness of each person involved.