Published: 11/09/2012 - Updated: 10/26/2018
Your child does not listen to you? Does he/she answer you aggressively? Do they have bad grades or a mess in their room? Do not despair. Don’t fight more. The rebellion of the children or teens is normal when children grow, these behaviors reveal interesting aspects of their way of appreciating life, which we can help to magnify or transform if we take a moment to reflect and evaluate things from new views. To obtain new results, you should trigger new learning, and if we are going to help understand some things to our children ... we should understand them first.
Passive and active rebellion
Rebellion is a form of behavior that can be considered as a sign of immaturity in personality. This attitude expresses disapproval, rejection, objection, opposition or a defensive or aggressive in response to any rule, regulation, request, duty, task, etc. There are generally two types of rebellion:
The passive, where the child or person does not express much disagreeing, but feels absent, shrewish and distanced from others, perhaps the young person is performing the duties because of fear to authority, but inside he/she feels slightly under and with aggressive feelings towards authorities, which they manifest with mess, rejecting the company, self-violence, silence and refuge in "their world".
The active rebellion is that when a teen or child expresses dissent by shouting, aggressive or defensive responses, or a denial of duties. In this behavior, the young person refuses to do what he/she should, and may display an attitude of "I do not care", or even act defiant to words or punishment of parents or teachers.
How to “cure” rebellion
Rebellion is an attitude that can be transformed if we realize that maybe as we are parents or teachers, we should work in some way to make this happen. We must realize our own attitudes and to know "certain secrets" to help teens to mature. Here are some causes of rebellion in young children and even adults, and the antidote so you can do it immediately and see amazing results.
Authoritarian language by parents, teachers or people surrounding the young
Antidote: Look at the words you use when you talk to your child or student, If you tend to say "You should ..." "You must ..." "You have to ..." "If you don’t do it, you'll see ...", "You are an irresponsible, lazy, etc.", it’s not a nutritious vocabulary. Remember something: no one likes to be treated as a robot or object. Young people are not robots and do what we want, they like to be heard and feel participatory, creative and intelligent. If they do not feel this, they will flee from you! The best thing in these cases is to learn to make conscious rules and reach agreements with them. Avoid punishment and manipulations with limits, and guide them where they feel responsible and participatory. For this, see paragraph two.
Lack of penalties and clear and firm limits
Antidote: The limits are essential in the young, and these should be clear and firm. Punishment tells the youth that he must obey the will of parents or teachers. This is usually bad as any person would like to obey to the orders from others. So if you punish your child or student better forget about this and make agreements with them. Do not scold them! Talk and make agreements. For example: Do not say "If you do not catch up with your assignment you won’t play on Sunday." The child may do homework but for convenience or intimidation, not because he find any sense. This way, you will be teaching your kid to follow other people’s rules. It's best to tell him in friendly but firm words: "The task is your responsibility. You can decide to do it or not do it, but you will decide I you go out or not on Sunday”. Both sounds similar, but they aren’t. In the first, the father acts as the controlling part, and he is deciding, thinking and almost acting instead of the young. In the second one, the child feels that he will decide whether or not, and he can begin to feel responsible for his own decisions. If he misses, he will have decided not to leave. The father cannot "take the punishment" because he does not punish, just share agreements. This can also be used when they go to a party or when they have to make their bedroom or duties. People should never be punished, this agreement is about how they can do what they want, but must assume the consequences. Here the father should be friendly but very firm. If the child gets angry because he cannot leave, you can explain: "But you have decided! How about if you hurry and maybe you will have time to get out? ". Now we can be friends with our children and support them in their decision making without yelling, punishment or compulsion.
Absent or unfriendly fathers with guilt
Antidote: If you are not home much you might try to compensate with words or gifts to children or youth. This is not a good relationship. It's best to try to make an effort to be home as much as possible, talk about your experiences and help them to have confidence so they talk about their problems. If you cannot be home, you can call them often, leave prepared food, and catch up with them. Children and young people can feel this kind of affection. What they do not like to feel is that their parents do not care, which then causes anger, low self-esteem and rebelliousness as they feel very unloved and unimportant.
Start by implementing these little secrets and always remember that rebellion has much to do with not being treated with dignity, even adults feel angry when they are treated like robots or machines, in a cold and bad way. A rebel young or child needs to feel important and valuable, to know that he can think and decide for him. You have to be honest and help him to think and evaluate their decisions.