Cute, friendly and courteous. She says yes to anything always with a smile. This personality may seem nice and very acceptable to others, girls and boys who act this way seem to have no problem in relationships, do not cause friction or become entangled in trouble, people say that they have a good heart (and they think that too), they are often a refuge for those who need to be heard and helped, and hardly (very hardly) they would say “no” if you need help.
However, often, the very beautiful or good people are not, inside, smiling and peaceful as others see. Many "good" or very complacent people, in the background are lonely, distant from others, and not so enthusiastic about their lives. This could happen because in the attempt to be "something special" for others, they leave out what they really feel, think and want. If you live pleasing to others, you can lose the contact and relationship with yourself, and this can lead to a not very feasible or satisfactory life.
Good or stupid?
We think that to be dumb is not the same as being good. Being fool is to let the others abuse you. Being good is to try to do constructive things for others. And if you want to make others feel good, you should know that we cannot make others happy if we cannot find happiness in ourselves. If you try to be good and bring happiness to anyone, without actually feeling happy, then what you are giving to others is not really honest, it could come from a hidden feeling of wanting to be important or valuable to others. When this happens, we are quietly waiting for the other to give us what we lack. If you are depending on others or trying to be good leaving behind what you are, you can see these behaviors:
- You feel that people abuse you.
- You feel angry when others do not take you into account.
- You often feel alone and misunderstood.
- You are very interested in the approval and acceptance of others.
- You cannot say no.
To feel important because of the others
Trying to be very pleasant for other and allow to abuse you, is a symptom of low self-esteem. When you do not feel really important, valued, accepted, loved, and more in life, then perhaps you will seek ways to do it. And one of these ways is to try the others to accept, admire and need you, by being "good" with them. If you need me, I feel important. If I have the attention of others, I agree and I have no trouble, and if they speak good things of me, is good for my emotions and nurture my self-esteem. What would happen if the others don’t need me? It might not be so happy.
Why do I feel unsure when others do not accept me or take me into account? Because I lack of my own acceptance and don’t appreciate me. When my need to be accepted or valuable is very big, or I do not feel important or special, then I will need the others to nurture this aspect of myself.
The lower the perception of the person, or self esteem, the more he/she becomes a drifting boat, a boat that is easy to handle and which everyone can take advantage or manipulate at will. When a person has a creative character and constructs her/himself within own values, you learn to know, accept and try to take your own life, then your attention is focused on your happiness and the way to get it, and then the approach won’t be in what others think and say, because that interferes with the development of potential.
Cultivating an honest character
Here are some advices so you can start to build an image and a life that are good and powerful for you. And if they're good for you, they are to those around you as well:
- Get to know your strengths, potentials and weaknesses, and learn to nurture the experiences by reading stuff that provide you feedback.
- Avoid judging and criticizing yourself, talk to yourself in a friendly tone, as if you treat your best friend.
- Accept who you are and get know yourself a little each day. Do not abuse you, if you do, others will abuse you.
- Talk with you often about your image and how you will like it to be, and start focusing your energy and action that way.
- Listen to and value what others say, but make your own choices.
- Love yourself and be natural, learn to say no when you do not want to do things, do not do things to just make feel good to others, remember who you have to make happy is yourself.
Finally, note that those around you are not really looking to abuse from people, but to know creative and genuine people with whom they can share something original in life.
The best of Emotional Intelligence
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