Published: 10/30/2012 - Updated: 06/19/2016
The relationship was going well until he began to see his ex again, and unexpectedly he decided to return to his previous partner. If this is your case or know anyone with this problem, you should read these lines. Many times we cannot explain why someone decides to leave their partner and return to a preceding lover arms. What made him come back to his ex? Why he didn’t stay with you?
The pain of not being "the chosen one"
It is painful to know that someone "cheats" or leave us by someone else, but it’s not the same pain when we realize that our love is back with his ex: the feeling is different. It’s not the same to know that our partner met "someone else", than to know that he is attracted or misses his previous partner again.
Pain and confusion
Above all pain, may be strong feelings of betrayal, one might think that our partner had used us or he/she was dishonest, and although his/her explanation may be that he/she was confused or mistaken, that does not take away from our head why he started a relationship with us in the first place if he would return with his ex.
What hurts the most right now is one thing: Why he didn’t choose us? And well, the answers can be very varied. Here are some of the causes:
• Relationship tired or under stress: A person may love a lot his current partner but could be attracted by someone else at the moment. But that does not mean he has stopped loving his partner. Often, relationships go through tough times or periods where new things become routine. Then it happens that one of the spouses get to know someone and feel attracted, and this is really honest, maybe in that time, he really felt the urge to start a new relationship with someone else, and then he noticed he wants to stay with his ex partner after all. This is not considered treason, while the person is honest with the girl he leaves and the girl he dates, because the human being is free to explore and to have different alternatives. If we are going to be the "chosen", it should be because we really have feeling in the relationship and he decides to be with us for who we are. A relationship is about two people, not one. So, the two must be attracted to each other and have the desire to share a relationship.
• Dependency: "The routine is stronger than love." This is a very popular saying that refers to the person that often does not like change and prefers to stay on what he/she already knows instead of doing something new. That could be one reason why our partner is back with his ex: someone get used to certain things with your partner, his way of life, his personality, the way he says things, someone even can be used to being abused. Often there are people that are clinging to their abusive partner even though they have people who treat them well. The mistreatment dependence speaks about people with very low self-esteem, so it's better to get away from these people, we should be glad we aren’t "their chosen" because we would suffer more than enjoy the relationship.
• The Conqueror: If a person needs to feel loved and admired by their partner, but this doesn’t really happen, then a person could try to find these with someone else. Once he is satisfied, then he might realize that he "still loves his ex." This is the case of the conqueror who never feels "full" with anyone. And better don’t risk yourself being chose by someone like that! Because he will search for new conquers all the time.
• He really loves his ex-couple: If a relationship is going through a difficult moment, often one of the members might feel the need to leave a little the routine or take a break to search for something else that help them to remove stress. Once he puts his mind together, he could accommodate his feelings and feel the need to resume his previous relationship. This is acceptable because many times we can get confused and to feel comfortable with someone else that to help us to clarify our feelings. If this is your case and you feel used or very angry, then you must understand that if you really love someone you should seek their happiness, and if your partner finds his happiness with his ex, then you have to wish him good luck! And if it’s possible! Doing this you will detach the pain and open your heart to receive what really is made for you.
Do not expect to be the "chosen" You are who choose!
If you are going through a time like this and you feel confused or desperate, the first thing to do is to learn to let go what is not yours, you need to understand that what you need the most is to find your own path on life, you should begin by loving yourself, don’t feel like you did something "bad" or you failed "the requirements". This only causes pain and you won’t grow as a person.
You could start by ...
Accept your pain, because many times we fall into the "we do not care" or "it doesn’t worth it" attitudes, etc.. This does not work and only deceives us. If we do care and it hurts, and it worth for us. Recognizing this makes flow our feelings and gives us a moment of conscious relief. Once you've already relieved yourself and you have openly accepted what you feel, then you should focus on growing as a person, focus on your happiness and lead your intentions to... conquer yourself! If you focus each day on this new adventure, you will see that the pain slowly will disappear changed by a new enthusiasm. And you will find what you are looking for. It is important to stop forcing what doesn’t belong to you; because you could lose what do belongs to you. The pain you feel is just the ego being hurt. But do not feed your ego, but your heart. Concentrate on your happiness and see what new surprises will appear in your life, and will bring you new options in love.