Published: 05/08/2010 - Updated: 09/24/2018
Have you ever felt that you're the favorite or less favorite kid of your parents? Do you feel that your brother or sister receives more attention, affection, care, time and consideration than you?
Not being the favorite son appears to affect more people than we think. Feeling displaced, or behind, or not taken into account, is an appreciation or a way of seeing yourself which influences in not very positive ways in the life of a person and sneak up to adult life, influencing the way they relate with life and all people. When we feel as kids "I am not the favorite" you can fall constantly in a very competitive attitude, constantly searching for "beat the opponent". In many cases, the character attitudes are very helpful and even hypocritical to win for the "best job", and this can eventually cause a lot of frustration, insecurity and, ultimately, loneliness.
Therefore, it is very important to heal that little child within us and that often, while growing up, was refused to take an important role in the lives of the parents, which represented the greatest source of love, security and acceptance.
Why I am not the favorite?
This is one of the silent questions of many children, youth and even adults who have suffered or are suffering from this situation. In fact, there is nothing wrong in being the non-favorite child, but you must take some considerations about it if we let this feeling of not having been loved enough.
One of the things you can start to consider is that, in most cases, all parents feel in some way better suited to a particular child. This, for many parents, is hard to recognize, because they think that if they admit they are attracted by one of their sons, the other will suffer. There is no doubt that are children more appealing than others, however, if your parents hide this feeling because they do not know what to do or how to answer properly, then perhaps you received a double message: "My parents (or my dad or mom) say they love me like my brother, but I see and feel nothing". This double message may have caused you much frustration and anger that may have become over time in an aggressive, demanding, dominant attitudes and perhaps with a strong emphasis on "liked by others", to be accepted and loved.
Requesting or requiring parents to give us and treat us according to our emotional needs is something a child does very well and very often, when screams and cries, when he wants to draw attention to attitudes, either doing or saying things to attract attention, even the "accidents" or diseases often occur with the secret aim of attracting the father.
However, for many children, this task of application of love can be useless and very stressful, often, it seems that as much as we do and say, they do not listen or take into account. And this indifference exhausted the little happiness and peace.
So another step to begin to heal the inner child is also to understand that parents do the best they can, and that ultimately they cannot give "more love" because they might not know how to reach you, start to be our own source of love, respect and acceptance. How? Trying to get closer to what we are.
The heart knows very simply how tell us when it is sad or not feeling loved or wanted, and also tells us when it feels attacked, disrespected or ignored. So instead of going to sue or demand out there, we may choose to listen, and then try to focus our word, thought and action towards those things that make us feel worthy, loved and respected.
This requires a lot of self-observation, begin to detect the way as we speak, how we refer to ourselves, how we solve life, how we feel when we say and do certain things. We must insist on this every day, so that little by little we know each other more, and let ourselves approaching, regaining the trust and love of the forgotten inner child. Do not worry if you do not know how to do it at first, if you plan, you will do it gradually.
It helps also to begin to cease self-criticism, because criticism is what most hurt the little kid, and this attitude also is a learned from those with whom you grew up. Please speak with great respect and affection, patience and applaud your mistakes, that they can teach very valuable things. And if you find yourself judging what you do or have done in your life, stop believing that is "something wrong" inside you.
Remember that someone (a very Divine Father) has given you the greatest gift of all, that is life and a life made for the enjoyment, to be alive and growing, and also gave you some unique qualities that nobody else has, so you could share with others. You should try to get closer to what you are and discover the richness of your heart and let everything that made you feel less or unworthy of love, as long as you keep this in your mind you cannot grow and enjoy new heights of life. Perhaps one of the things you had to learn from that experience is to love you as you are, be you the main value in your heart.
So try to make you happy every day, be your best friend and your best father, do it until you become "your favorite" person in your life. When you achieve this, maybe you can find an afternoon to go with your parents and give them plenty of what they didn’t give you.