Published: 02/14/2013 - Updated: 12/08/2016
Do you suffer from love? Does it hurt that is not by your side? Do not you know what to do to make her/him notice you? Then you need a cure for your heart. If love is a wonderful thing ... why it hurts so much? Saying "I love you" has many meanings, it holds phrases like: "I care", "I want to be with you", "Thank you", "I like you", "You represent all for me "," I need you ", etc. Love is related to feelings of attraction, and one of its deepest mysteries is perhaps understand the fact that sometimes we are attracted to people who are far away, treat us indifferently, abuse us, ignore us, etc. A hole opens in the heart and stomach, and the more the person is indifferent, distant, abusive, etc., the more we love, or hate her/him, as hate, it is said, has a lot to do with love.
The pain of love
The emotional pain we feel when we are rejected, unloved or not taken into account by that person that really matters: the pain makes the heart hurts, there is depression, feeling that nothing matters and that everything is meaningless, everything looks cold and shallow if that person is not on our side. Pain from love has led many people to lose their appetite and concentration, failing subjects at school, work or leaving their life paths, getting away from friends, and feeling a desire of not wanting to live anymore. Some people describe love in phrases like “love is like the air I breath”, because we need it at high levels.
Why does this pain appear?
Although it sounds a bit strange and contrary to what you believe, the pain is something contrary to love. The pain is related to a feeling of lack, of dissatisfaction, frustration, emptiness or loss of consciousness. Love, however, is related to a feeling of fullness, freedom, fulfillment and full of meaning.
When we feel pain for what we love is because, deep down, we are in some way dependent or that we need much to be happy or to feel recognized, admired, loved, excited, adventurous, etc. When we lose or we are away from the person who gave us all this, then the emptiness or lack opens within us. And we begin to feel pain, the need for someone, despair, and then desperately seek (according to the degree of pain) this person, trying to return to her/his side. But basically, you need to begin to understand that what you're really looking for is a way to appease your own shortcomings and loneliness.
On the other hand, when we feel pain for someone we love, we tend to idealize people too much, we feel that we can only fill us with a person. When we have strong emotional needs, the mind tends to idealize people and fall in love, and although we don’t know them vey well, the mind thinks that there's all that we seek, and is attracted to the idea that this person is the best to fill affectively. What the mind doesn’t know is that if we lived with that person that we think is "perfect", maybe we couldn’t stand this situation for even 2 months! The distant seems like dream, the forbidden is a perfect target for the mind to idealize and draw the person we need, and even if that person is not like that, the mind tries everything to attract him or her.
How to cure this pain or this "love sickness"?
If you are suffering from pain for someone you love, do not worry as there is a cure. The magic potion is not to understand that someday a person will love us or that person is not worth for us, (as people around us often tell us this to comfort us). You know that these phrases don’t help a lot as the mind just needs that love and no one can come and can take its place. The only infallible cure is not in thinking that there are better or worse people, but in starting to heal by yourself your own needs and wants. How to do this? Starting to make you happy, to hear more, to stop putting your happiness on others, because you’ll never find happiness in anyone out there if you don’t find it within you first.
Perhaps there are those who say that they have found happiness in someone, but this happiness is always fleeting if one does not find inner happiness first. As soon the person that makes us happy leaves, we feel pain and need if we have not worked with ourselves in our own needs and wants.
So, even if it hurts the absence or indifference of someone, start by loving you much, learn to be with you and resolve your feelings of unhappiness, start by stop judging or criticizing because it causes to reject, disapprove and even despise you, and if there is anyone more valuable than the person you say you love is yourself, inside you is a huge potential to find happiness and meaning in this life. Begin to build a reality where you feel really happy, if you reject and disapprove you yourself, if you do not pay attention and do not have an own beautiful indoor garden, you cannot share what you really are with anyone. Unless you know a little more each day and learn to get in peace with the things that live in your life, you will not be at peace with you or anyone, and will hurt a lot if someone you love leaves your life because you only will remember the lack of this feeling.