Published: 08/31/2013 - Updated: 11/24/2016
Behind a decision there usually always comes some element of fear, doubt or stress and it is natural to experience these feelings when having to choose or make an important decision. However, when this state becomes a frequent occurence in your life, even deciding on what to eat can become quite a dilemma and this situation can begin to make our life confusing.
The origin of indecision can be found in our childhood due to a weakened self-esteem by a controlling personality or in some cases even a violent oppressor in any parental figures , which may have weakened the personality of the individual that is concerned. It can also be cause by a parent that is weak and/or indecisive and the individual has learned from and later identified with this same characteristic.
Self-esteem and indecision
Indecision has much to do with self-esteem: Fear of making mistakes for fear of being judged. Phrases like "you are so clumsy" and "Why did you think that was intelligent?" are example phrases that can eventually weaken our personality, making us become fragile and dependent on others. Over time, we can come to believe that others are more capable and we can even begin to let other individuals choose and/or make decisions for us.
If our indecision is due to low self-esteem, then it is important to improve this aspect. Here are some exercises that can help, but it is always recommended to seek the advice of a professional, especially if your low self-esteem is affecting your ability to function properly in day-to-day life.
Experience resulting from our decisions
Decisions are always one or the other: They are right or wrong . It is the fear of making a mistake which leads us to doubt ourselves, however both success and mistakes provide invaluable experience for everybody in life. Nobody can win all the time, but this does not mean that you should not try, especially when it comes to making an important decision in your life. Traveling the road of life allows us to test and adjust to each step we take and the experience, whether a success or failure, will help us become more successful in the future.
You should try to stop emulating the lives of other people or following the same path, since each of us is different and we chart our own course. We definitely all make mistakes, but this is how we can gain the experience required to improve, grow and learn.
How do we make decisions?
The opinions of others can be useful as well as destructive, so we must learn to take things that help us and discard those opinions which are harmful. However, a review can be constructiv; those that are not are not relevant or necessary.
Decision making plays an important role in our life: We are the sum of our decisions, right or wrong, each and every one of them. While deciding, if another person decides for us this is a decision that prevents us from acquiring our own experiences and going according to our own wishes. Moreover, decision making for ourselves is an essential lifeskill and can help to lead us to success, whether in life, love or career situations.
To make a decision, we can rely on our experience and knowledge of the subject, or if we investigate the time required, it is recommended to divide decision making into four stages :
- The problem
- The cause(s)
- The alternative solutions we have for solving the problem
- The implementation of these solutions
Choosing one of the solutions can be a real dilemma, especially when we do not have any relevant experience or if we do not have sufficient time to consider the situation properly. Moreover, if you are disorganised you should try to use common sense.
Having made the decision, you must take responsibility for it, whether it turned out to be a success or a failure. You can correct the situation as the consequences begin to appear: When we were wrong, we should try to resolve our error(s) and that is why decisions are essential in the process of learning.
Many people do not want to take responsibility for their decisions and that is often why they allow others to decide for them. However, not taking responsibility prevents us from growing and learning as a person.