Do you spend most of your life feeling offended by what someone else did, did not tell you, or did not do? People don’t necessary have hurt you. What really hurts are your expectations, which are what you wanted from anybody.
What are the expectations?
They are thoughts that we believe, they are not real, but imaginary. If you expect your parents to give you more love, and they didn’t, stop suffering. Those are your expectations of an ideal parent, which were broken and are hurting you. If you expect your partner to react in any way, and he/she did not, your partner has not done anything bad. It's the difference between the care you expected and the one you’d got, and that really hurts.
Are you angry with God?
God never offend or hurt anyone. Your beliefs of what God should do, are those who hurt you.
The habit of feeling offended by what others "make you" disappear when you actually understand the source of these offenses, are nothing more than your expectations.
From ideal to real
When we are born we are authentic, but our true nature is artificially suppressed and replaced by concepts of our parents, school, society and the media. They create a false story of how things should be in all aspects of life, and how people should act. A novel has nothing to do with reality.
Inventory: We collect experiences from: parents, friends, partners, etc. during life. And we save them in our inventory. Negative experiences leave a deeper mark in us than positive.
Predisposition: When a person did not say or do what we expected, we keep that experience in our inventory. When we meet someone new, we are already predisposed: we are afraid that the new person repeats the same attitudes of those who failed us. In short, we take a negative experience of our inventory, and based on what we felt that time, we see new people and new experiences. And what happens? Fear doubles the problems and negative experiences and inventory continues to grow.
Actually, it bothers us and doesn’t let us be happy. And as we advance in years, we are less happy, because the negative inventory increases year after year.
Negativism: Have you found people whose offenses inventory is too large, that it seems they only live seeing things in a negative way? The fear and bitterness increase and at any circumstance, they take negative experiences of their inventory.
Offenses sources: One of the greatest sources of offenses is to try to impose our views on others and wanting to rule their life. We double resentments when we tell them what to do and they do not agree. First, we are offended because they did what they wanted. Second, the other person is offended because we don’t accept him/her. And this becomes a vicious circle.
Divine Right: Everyone has the divine right to lead their lives as they please. People learn from mistakes and grow up.
Like a mighty river: Also, remember that no one belongs to us. Neither nature, nor our parents, or siblings, children, friends or couples belong to us. We can appropriate them, and if we do, we will be taking life, their life.
To enjoy the relationship, we need to love people as they are and let them feel free.
The best of Emotional Intelligence
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