Published: 03/02/2013 - Updated: 02/27/2018
Would you like to see how that person that makes your life impossible suddenly changes? If you cannot stand your neighbor, co-worker, family member, your partner, your child or anyone else, is that maybe you need to start using a different strategy in your relationships. To tell the truth, and to be honest, if we define the word enemy, we would say that is someone who is not your friend or your partner, someone that you cannot trust sharing what you like and can make your life pleasant, difficult and contentious, so anyone around us could be our enemy, which does not sound so nice, especially when is someone that lives with us daily or is part of our family.
Transforming your enemy
If you're really ready to transform your enemy, the first step would be to begin to see that a war needs two people involved. There cannot be a war without an opponent, so if you have enemies is that somehow you also have accepted and allowed to play this game. We often think that the other is the "bad", the incomprehensible, the rude, etc. But every time we admit that the other “harm us" on the other hand we are admitting that ... we are victims of the other! And the more we play the victim role, the more we feed our enemies. So we should start to see how much power we have given to our enemy admitting that he/she has power over us.
You have the power of your reality
We are responsible for our happiness, sadness, anger, fear, etc. In reality, other people cannot make us feel good or bad. One begins to feel bad, insecure, intolerant, etc.., and then all the other can do is to move our insecurities, lack of love or appreciation for what we are.
The power of your enemy
An enemy has power over us only when we consider him/her responsible for our happiness or our peace. If you admit that the other is responsible for your joy and your peace, and he/she can take this off with a look, a word or an action, then you give your enemy strength. So the first thing you must understand is that your happiness and peace depend on you, how much you know and have learned to love you, respect you, etc.
5 steps to gradually disarm your enemy
1. Don’t answer aggression: if every time that someone treat you bad, you answer with the same, then the only thing you are doing is provoking. If during a football game you do not kick the "ball", the game does not make sense and the other will have to stop playing. Therefore, do not respond. Do not think that by this the other will think that you are weak or that has win. In fact, we have to stop importing what the other thinks, what matters is what you want to achieve in your life, and if you want a more peaceful and great life, you have to stop playing games that do not have poor sense and do not lead anywhere.
2. If you feel very angry about what someone does, says or thinks about you, it is ok to get angry. It is important not to shirk in what you feel and recognize your sincere emotions. So even if you do not answer, allow yourself to feel anger or rage, if you keep these feelings, deny, control or pretend that "you do not care" or "not worth it", it’s not good for you. Vent these feelings in your room or somewhere where you can express yourself alone.
3. Learn to direct your attention to things that you want, remembering that no one really can make you happy but yourself, and if you insist on not paying attention to what makes you happy and have a strong will to manifest your dreams, then some will always move you with poor games and you have to invest your energy in creating meaningless problems.
4. One of the most effective ways to break the "enemy’s" game is that you see him/her as someone who wants to teach you something about yourself instead of seeing him/her as someone who treats you badly. If when he/she does or says something, look at yourself, then you'll recognize if what they say is true or not, and from there learn to watch you. For example, if your opponent tells you that you are an "idiot", then watch yourself and see if you really are what you're told. If you feel you've made a mistake or acted on impulse or aggressive, then maybe you can go slowly having the humility to recognize and change your attitude. And maybe then you can tell your enemy "Thanks for showing this to me". On the other hand, if your opponent is not right, then you may be angry.
5.Treat your opponent in a good way. If you want him/her to be friendly, cute or respect you, try to do it yourself to him or her. You will see how difficult it is to give something when we do not feel. And you know why do not you feel it? Because you have to start it to give yourself first. Don’t generate high expectations with people, remember that everyone does what they can, if you are relating to someone who assaults you is maybe also because you need to develop more love, compassion and understanding for other people.
Follow these 5 steps and see that little by little you will learn and be friendly with your enemy, or he/she simply will disappear from your life, or become a more gracious in your life.