Published: 07/14/2010 - Updated: 07/21/2016
There are doctors that have cancer, people with money who commit suicide, many famous people who feel very alone, psychologists with chaotic and conflicting lives, athletes that seem to have a heart and mind of steel and suddenly die.
At the present time, there are more and more contradictions like those, which make us think and reassess things from a new awareness. While we try not to judge any experience or conditions, as each person lives and choose what he or she needs in life, if it is useful to assess the perspectives from which we are living now, as we can forget about ourselves in these competitive and demanding times, we let us aside to meet the strong demands and expectations, not only social but all those that we have been imposed to and we have grown.
Do you compete or grow?
Among competing and growing, there is a big difference: the first is focused on stereotypes and meet goals that somehow society asks in exchange for giving us acceptance, respect, recognition, etc. The growth, on the other hand, is focused on discovery and self-knowledge.
The growth is from the inside out.
The competition from outside to inside.
When competing, you lose sight of the deepest longings of human beings to change the position of recognition and even property. When competing, the character becomes very critical and demanding not only with yourself but to others, so that the personality becomes intolerant, desperate, angry and even violent.
On the other hand, when growing, the priority is the discovery and development of new values and strengths in oneself, given the opportunity to experience life with all its challenges, limitations, shortcomings, mistakes and mysteries with the intention of winning in each of them, knowledge of oneself.
You grow when you feed yourself.
You compete when you want to feed the outside part first, before nurturing your life.
While competition can lead to growth, competitive approach can make it a very tiring and troublesome process. It must be said that the growth of human being does not require any special life, one can grow in every experience and circumstance, the big difference between growing up and competing is the attitude, the way as we solve and the perspective from which we approach situation that we confront.
Why do we compete?
There may be several causes, but all of which could be summarized in a single root: because that's what we learned about as children. Many, if not most people, close and have grown in competitive environments. From small, for example, competing for affection and recognition of our parents. This competition is with siblings, especially when there are siblings most graceful or with certain gifts that stand out and attract the attention of parents and relatives. This can cause strong feelings of competition in the child that is not so handsome or charismatic. Also, in schools we are taught to be competitive: "If you don’t get good grades, then I won’t love you”. This "I don’t love you" is the message that makes us understand when we see the face of the parent or teacher while failing not only with bad grades, but when we do not meet their expectations.
When the love, recognition and / or value are retested or denied to us for the expectations of others, we grow believing that we do things "wrong", and that we are not sufficiently "good", that life is to win the affection by doing things like waiting for the other and competing with all that threatens us. Somehow we think that there is only one way to be valued, loved and accepted, and that is to "beat the other" or earn a place that you deserve.
This competitive nature makes the person believe that the mistake is a terrible thing because it makes other people reject, mock or condemn us, the mistake or not meeting social expectations takes away from the crown " privileged position "of acceptance of others. You could say that, deep down, competition is an attitude of self-esteem, not valuable enough to feel confident about we are, as to dare stand against the rails of social competitiveness.
The mistake, when we compete, makes us anxious, tense, causes us to blame.
The tension that is generated when we are in constant competition can be so high that eventually could lead us to suffer all sorts of ailments and diseases.
Growth also can generate stress, anxiety and even anger (which in this case it would be courage to achieve what you like), but the perspective is very different because here is progressing according to own convictions, is valued what you want and hope, sincerely, and then begin to make the whole world will be for what you want and what you need. For this, of course, you require great confidence in yourself and in life itself, which often is not there, but this is precisely what you will get, to start to believe more in ourselves than in circumstances beyond out, this is where you discover that both can make a difference and so can anyone who believes more and more in the self.
If you're tense, anxious and feeling depressed, see if you're not competing. Please note that you do not only compete in the labor field but also in relationships.
Remember that growth is achieving freedom, confidence, courage and self-respect. If you feel you are achieving the opposite, then you may need to rethink where you're living your life.