Published: 11/18/2012 - Updated: 06/09/2017
Author: K. Laura Garcés G
If you have ever suffered from bullying, you know how uncomfortable and frustrating is to be being molested and abused by classmates. In schools, it seems that now is more common for some students bother other children. What is causing that kids disturb others? Why are some children who are bullied more often? Why this violence is not as easy to stop?
It seems that bullying is something like the law of the jungle: the "stronger" dominates the "weaker". However, children who seem aggressive or scandalous are not like that in all the cases. Children who molest their classmates are usually those that are insecure and have angry feelings, so they take it out with others.
Causes of bullying
- Violence in the home, whether physical or psychological, that children and young people copy and cause in others.
- Home Abuse, when children feel that are subject to strict rules either by parents or teachers, which leads them to vent their feelings of frustration and protest with someone "weaker".
- Aggressive children are usually neglected and have little guidance at home about their emotions; they feel can hurt those who "deserve it".
- Attacked children are those who usually have very low self esteem and are afraid, are easily intimidated by bullies. Being able hold the situation. Low self-esteem is one of the most common and deep causes.
- Attacked children usually feel they have a big flaw or something wrong with them, whether they feel ugly, too smart or dumb, unsociable or loved and spoiled. Feel that there is something "wrong with us” is a major cause of low self esteem.
- Attacked and aggressive children as well, can be excessively spoiled by parents, they don’t respect the rules.Aggressive children are discriminative and cruel because they have learned from adults or have not been properly guided.
- Aggressive children usually have feelings of revenge toward those who do not meet their expectations and feel safe hurting someone else.
Symptoms of a child that’s being bullied:
The children involved in bullying behavior may be varied but usually are quiet and shy, are not popular and do not have large groups of friends.
What to do?
Usually parents and teachers focus on treating the problem from the periphery and not from the root. Aggressive children are punished with threats that only cause more violence. The best way to stop this aggression is to consider the following tips:
For children who are bullied:
In the case of having bullied kids, the main thing to do is to increase their estimates, which certainly should be a daily task. No need to constantly flatter and flatter the child with words, young children easily detect when we say things that we don’t really mean. It's best to talk to them openly, ask them how they feel every day and what things they liked or disliked at school. Trust is required if the child or young person refuses to speak, it's because they feel judged by his father or teacher.
A child may lie about being attacked because this could make him feel "less", so your questions should not be direct, but rather exploratory.
One way to encourage the child to talk is telling situations that we as parents or teachers live and liked or not, and how we solved them. It is important to avoid the words "bad" and "good"; rather you have to give a guide of questions or statements that make him/her think. For example: instead of saying "It's wrong to disturb others," say: "Do you think how a child that disturbs others feels?” Instead of saying, "It's wrong that you do not defend yourself", saying: "Do you think you can avoid being disturbed". Another way is to attack the problem from a slightly, playfully way, pinching the kid and saying, "Are you going hold this?" "Do you like that I pinch you? If you would pinch me and I do not like, I would tell you: I do not like", with a firm and secure voice.
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It is important that the kids feel that they can think and solve their own problems, avoid fixing or tell them what to do. We can suggest, but it’s best to left them to think, so they will feel important and creative.
For aggressive children:
The worst thing is to judge and punish them; this will only increase their violence, frustration and desire "of revenge." The best thing here is to identify why these guys are frustrated and what is causing them to produce violence. Many times you are home and you don’t put limits. In this case, it is good to talk and listen to them without judgment, ask what bothers them about the classmates and allow them to express themselves without saying "That is bad". It's best to treat this problem with empathy, trying to put the offender in the place of the victim. For example: "What do you think your classmate feels when someone scratches his notebook?" It is important not to blame them, give impersonal examples. Another good example would be: "How would you feel if someone hides your homework?"
Communication with parents and teachers is very important, avoid harsh judgments and answer the children’s concerns so they will have a feedback, i.e., help them to find their own answers and create empathy with the world around them.
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