Are you in the middle of a violent relationship?

When one of the members, regularly the male, uses physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to gain power and maintain control over another person, this is a case of violence.

Why are we violent?

From childhood, this behavior is encouraged in various ways. Society, the media, video games, among other things are some of the factors that influence the individual to be violent. Even before birth certain behaviors are favored that ultimately, encourage violence. Since the couple knows that they are waiting for a girl, they think of her as a person with a passive role, so she should be nice and quiet, whereas if they are going to have a son, he is expected to be active, imposing and strong.

There is no human being who is not violent in some degree, as we learned that since childhood from mother, father or both. They not only treated us in a lovingly way, but they scolded, yelled at us and sometimes even hit us.

When we grow, we repeat what we learned in later relationships. If a kid experienced physical violence at home, when he doesn’t get what he wants, he will perform this type of behavior because he thinks that is the only solution to the problems.

Classification of types of violence

There are two types of violence, active and passive. The passive type may be to ignore, or to say something in order to hurt, not recognizing the positive in the other. In the active, physical force is exerted and is constant. It is important to state that both can exert alternately.

Passive violent behaviors are not perceived by the attackers, since they are generally confused or disguise with the appearance of love and concern for the partner. From the age of 15 until marriage, teenagers and young people begin to learn and try new ways of behaving.

• If the teen closes the circle of friends of the other, to force gradually and sometimes inadvertently to stay with him or her all the time, the victim will be isolated from a support network.
• "If you loved me, you would give me the proof of love”. If the role of women is to satisfy the other, and she does not have a support network, she will accept this bad relationship.
• Blackmail: "If you leave me, I die"
• Threat: "If you don’t do what I say, you will see.."
• To perform physical violence as it is. In this case, the girls or guys believe that the partner is the last thing they have, therefore they undergo to the relationship.
• Violence in the dating. If it’s allowed, the claim passes to the insult, and after to the hits, the hits transform into submission and then into sexual violence. Thus, we can see that dating violence can be physical, verbal, psychological or emotional, sexual and economic.

The consequences on the assaulted person are depression, low self esteem, isolation, school failure and poor job performance. However, this violence is so common that it is not easy to detect its social importance, and this invisibility is one of the factors that may trigger domestic violence.

Early detection

Teens can tell if they really enjoy or suffer from their relationship with certain questions:

• When I'm with my partner am I usually genuine, or do I have to pretend?
• Do I enjoy the relationship I have?
• Do I feel isolated or away from my family and friends?
• Does my partner respect my views and sexual conceptions?
• Does this person have pushed me, stuck to the floor or bed, pinched or kicked?

If the answers to any of these questions were "yes”, it is likely that your partner is being violent against you.

A good relationship

If you do not know how a good relationship should be, it is important that you consider the following characteristics:

• To resolve conflicts and reach agreements, you must negotiate.
• It is important to give and receive.
• Both members should be themselves, without having to change or pretend to the other.
• The relationship should be enjoyed and the members should talk openly about what they feel.
• Relationships in adolescence should be to learn; one must learn to give and take. This way, the teen will settle choices for his/her future life and if he/she requires things by force or negotiation.
• The phrase: "life is short but very wide" explains that you only live adolescence once, and how to live it is our choice.

In some cases, it may require the intervention of an expert psychologist, who can make us see beyond the violence and change the way we interact with our partner.

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